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20 November 2012 @ 01:45 am
This is the day that never ends...  

i finished one of my papers, and can't get myself in the groove to do the next one. They were both due ages ago, with extensions, and then the expectation that i'd be done "over this weekend" only it's now the wee hours of Tuesday morning and >.<

Instead, i've realized my flight home was at the wrong time, freaked the frick out, swapped work shifts with an extremely generous and fantastic colleague, got that all sorted, and still been freaking out. Twenty-four hours from now, God willing, i will be in my bed asleep in Ohio. And that prospect is making it SO HARD to care about anything.

Also now i have to leave right after class tomorrow, but i haven't washed the dishes or cleaned my room or done laundry, and i have a meeting i have to make. Most importantly, the dishes and the meeting. The other things are less critical.

And all i want to do is sleep. But i also have syntax hw due, and i've used up my skip-an-assignment for that class =/ Hmm. i'm going to see the prof tomorrow. Maybe if i use the CRAP TRAVELING excuse, he'll give me til tomorrow night to scan it and send it. And i could work on it at the airport or something.

Screw it. i'm exhausted and i feel like crap. i'm packing clothes, washing the dishes, and going to bed. And sending in the one paper i've done, and doing the other one sometime tomorrow as well. Gosh, i'm ready for this semester to be over. i just hope i'm not inviting a worse fate on myself by saying that...

i started to post this on tumblr, and then i realized it was getting way too whiny and personal crap. i've decided that lengthy text posts, esp personal, don't need to be there. That's what proper blogs like LJ are for. Anything that needs to go under a cut on tumblr for a reason other than fanfic/spoilers is not going there. Shut up i make weird rules.

My TF for ed policy is absolutely amazing, and incredibly helpful. But he's already reaching Mr. T levels of i-don't-care-specifically-about-my-marks-i-just-don't-want-you-to-be-mad-at-me (Mr. T being my high school math teacher, whose homework i also regularly skimped on and then felt ridiculously guilty about and still did it late. This is a troubling pattern). So now i'm unmotivated AND guilt-trodden. (Is guilt-trodden a thing?)

i really hope i pull myself together over winter break. Because right now, the amount i care about school is this much: . And i hate being so apathetic.

Also i keep having this horrible thought that future employers are going to find my blogs and see me talk so much about how i have no drive and hate school, and they will never hire me to be a teacher. But at the same time, this happens to *everyone*, and i think it's an important thing to get out in the open. Soooooo yeah. idk. i'm not awake enough to be philosophical.

Mapquest says: Boston
Mood-o-meter: stressedstressed
The voices are singing: quiet
fantwurmfantwurm on November 25th, 2012 11:44 pm (UTC)
I hope you had a fantastic and deservedly restful holiday and you're going to be a fantastic teacher because that will not involve the stress/guilt cycle we all have at school. I definitely do that. I may or may not be doing that right now, instead of my thesis. Hugs!
thaichicken: love handsthaichicken on December 13th, 2012 03:11 am (UTC)
Sorry for the SUPER long delay in my reply, but :D :D thank you, dear! This really did brighten my day when I saw it.

Thanksgiving was really good. I'm in another / an extension of the same stress/guilt thing, but I'm making progress, which is important.

*hugs back* Hope your semester is finishing well!